omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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