I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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