i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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