He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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