i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
