you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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