Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
