So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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