we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
