You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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