my mouth tastes like poor choices
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
