It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
