Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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