Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
