Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
