the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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