Already got asked if we're dating
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
