We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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