Someone shit on the floor
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
