My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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