im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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