she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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