everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
