bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.