he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Mom said you looked used
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think even the taco bell employees judged me