More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.