That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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