sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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