You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
