Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
