There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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