They have a pepper shaker for pot.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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