she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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