There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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