Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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