I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
