Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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