Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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