god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
