Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
