I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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