The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The power of my boobs compel you
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
