I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
