You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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