Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
