i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
