I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
