After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
