Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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