This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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