true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
