OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
