I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
