saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her vagine was all disorganized.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
