Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
