We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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