He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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