If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
