well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
