maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
