6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
