why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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