Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
how drunk are you?
Several
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
