I bet he comes in French.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
