Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
