True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
