All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
