the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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