I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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