She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can you repeat that, but with context?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
