There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
