my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
