party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
