Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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