i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
