Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
