I am puke
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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