New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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